A while back (long while back) I wrote about my thoughts on being. Simply being for the sake of being. It’s been a little while since that post, and since the last one I posted, I have certainly had quite a ride. I moved to Chicago and moved back to NYC. Guess nothing really is quite like it. I started a job, left and started a new one.
I felt like this whirlwind was very much a culminating event and reflective of the way that I had led my life. Everything was always moving at the speed of sound, and there was always a path or direction that I was moving toward.
Since I’ve been back, I took on a position that doesn’t require me to advance, to publish, to take on 200 leadership tasks. For the first time in my adult life, I am going to work, doing my job, and coming home. I’m not reading emails, writing notes, working on lectures, directing projects.
I am coming home and doing absolutely nothing.
I feel as though everyone is torn about these things sometimes. On the one hand, I have the potential, power and ability to be moving mountains. On the other hand, it is easier for me to be living in a state of chasing milestones and ticking successes off than box than it is to be creating space for other areas of my life. I am good at my job. I am not good at many things outside of my job. So lately, I have been drowning in a sea of ambivalence, feeling dissatisfaction with my lack of purpose.
What is the purpose of my life now? No idea. But let’s see where it goes!
I fantasized about living a life where I am focusing on my artistic side. Painting, drawing, decorating, cooking, baking, writing, traveling. Yes. I even tried to get through the MasterClass poetry classes. (I might be brave enough to post somethings I tried my hand at…) I’ve wanted for so long to have this opportunity to explore these other facets of my life. Now I have it and I feel so untethered which has in turn paralyzed to take a step into any direction,
So it seems to me that I need to do some serious reframing of my feeling of “purposeless” and realize that sense of purpose is defined by me. And not my job. This is my “year of rest and relaxation” and hopefully, I can realign and figure out what I am doing and where I’ll be heading.
Maybe, for now, I’ll just sit here a while and enjoy the view!
Simple Serendipities 