I have not written in a little bit of a while – mainly because life has been a whirlwind and I am still in the process of processing things. (Isn’t that something? The process of processing?) I’m reaching the end of my (goodbye til next year?) stay in NYC and sitting in my empty apartment with nothing but an air mattress, wine in the fridge and the sadness in my heart to leave a place I love. It’s been a month of anxiety, but since this is a space we talk about IRL things – on Sunday – I actually had a serious moment of panic and needed to realign myself. Initially, I thought I needed (or wanted?) to set intentions for my move but instead, I ended up looking at the ones I had set for the 2021 year and in reading them, they gave me a sense of solace and hope.
For a while now, something that I have been contending with is whether I wanted to share them publicly (does anyone actually read this??) or not. The last few days, I have felt a strong feeling to share them and I think it comes from a need to reiterate a vow I made to myself at the start of the year.
Since I’m not in the business of oversharing, at the end of the year, let me tell you how these intentions came to be. Every year leading up to New Year’s Eve, I like to take time to meditate and write out “intentions” for the upcoming year. Usually I take the the time to do the Anuschka Rees “Year in Review” (https://anuschkarees.com/blog/2017/12/28/your-year-in-review-2017) about 5 days leading up to the new year, and then I like to set goals for the upcoming year. Last year, I dedicated an evening to the YogaGirl Conversations from the Heart Intention Ceremony (https://www.yogagirl.com/podcast/conversations-from-the-heart/new-years-intention-setting-ceremony-2021). It gave me the space to set my goals, dreams, and desires, as well as to be open to life’s ebbs and flows. Overall, it grounded me and drew a map for my year. As long as I know I’m making some progress toward something, I feel like I am “moving forward in life.”
Back to the point of the story, when I was having a meltdown and thought I wanted to write new intentions for my move to Chicago, I instead ended up reading old ones and felt the urge to share them because they moved me reading them. (This was jotted down and I am transcribing it so bear with me. And, let’s be real, I can’t read my own handwriting! 🤦🏻♀️)
“In 2021, I want love…”
“I want to give and receive love, be surrounded by love, find love, make love, and feel love. I want to be happy, joyful, and light. I want to worry less, and laugh more, I want to appreciate each moment I have as if it won’t happen again. Isn’t that what life is after all? I was to feel confident in my choices, in my life. I want to travel, try new things, grow relationships, find the growth in family. I want to the keep close to those I care for, and create new relationships with those who enter unexpectedly. Let go what needs to be freed. But mostly, I feel it in my bones, I want love and warmth, I want to find where I belong. I want love, love of all shapes and sizes and forms. I want to laugh until my stomach hurts and have tears in my eyes. But I just so, so, so am ready and open to give and receive love. Love others and be in love… Create love, grow love, be love, and soak in love. That is my intention for 2021, my year of love.”
When I initially saw this, I was convinced that this belonged to someone else. But then after careful examination, I realized that it was in fact my own chicken-scratch and rambling thoughts that I was reading. So instead of writing new intentions which would probably be just as wine fueled and stream of consciousness as this one was, why should a different city change my goals? Nine months ago I wanted to welcome love into my life in all its wonderful forms, I’ll do my best to continue doing my best at that. Despite my anxieties, fears and resistance to this transition, I will try my hardest to continue to carry this intention along and do my very best to embrace this year’s Chicago experiences with “love and light in my heart.”
Cheers to the year of love!
Simple Serendipities 